Monday, May 8, 2006

May 8, 2006 Canadians


Consider This for May 8, 2006--What About the Canadian Immigrants?


Canadian immigrants. They are pouring across our northern border, coming here to steal our jobs and our ski areas. Thousands of Canadians have come here posing as world-class hockey players, actors, singers, and ski area executives to steal jobs from Americans.

Where are the Minutemen along our longest border? Why aren’t they trying to keep the Canadians out? Is it the cold weather? Are they fair-weather Minutemen?

One of the arguments against the people coming in from Mexico is the threat to homeland security. What about the terrorists coming in from Canada carrying long hockey sticks ready to hit people in the back of the head?

On a serious note, the 9/11 hijackers came in from Canada and not from Mexico. On another serious note, none of the hijackers were from Iraq. None. Most were from Saudi Arabia. Prince Bandar has a house in Aspen. Maybe we should attack that? Just kidding.

Back to the funny stuff.

There are four ski areas in Summit County. All four are either owned or operated by Canadians. What is being done about this attack by a foreign nation on our ski industry?

This problem is so serious that these invaders from the north have now taken control of Winter Park. It was owned and operated by the City and County of Denver for nearly all its existence, but now Canadians operate it.

So what is the State Department doing about this intrusion in our precious ski industry?

So what is up with all the plaid that Canadians wear? It is like gang colors. Are some Crips and others Bloods, and they can only tell each other apart from the type of plaid that they wear?

What about this “eh” thing that they put at the end of their sentences? Is that a secret language that only Canadians understand? Could it be a code? I think that the government should look into this.

A week ago today there was a rally at the capitol called, “A Day Without Immigrants.” I work there. I spent an hour and a half outside the capitol watching the rally. I did not see one Canadian. Not one. Where were they? Aren’t they immigrants too? Are they ashamed of being immigrants? Where was their rally?

I think that we should plan immediately to build an eighty-foot-tall wall along the entire length of our border with Canada. I don’t think we are doing enough. I run into Canadians almost every day, and they always talk about how easy it is to get into the United States.

They pull up to the border in their SUVs, and when the Immigration official asks where they were born, they reply “Cleveland.” The official smiles and mentions something about Drew Carey or the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame and waves them through. A slam-dunk. They are here to do whatever they want.

They can wash dishes, wait tables, work in the fields, and clean bathrooms just like their counterparts from Mexico. The sky is the limit for opportunity.

Many just point their cars to the nearest hockey town or Nashville or Hollywood.

When you check on the Internet, the number of Canadian hockey players living and working in the United States is phenomenal. I personally think that it is out of hand. All of these positions are being stolen from American hockey players, and no one is doing anything about it. I think the federal government should investigate this theft of jobs by foreigners.

Many actors and singers and others in show business were born in Canada. The long winters in Canada have borne fruit as a ton of very talented people are coming south to steal jobs in show business from Americans. This flow of great actors and musicians must stop. There are all kinds of Americans in show business out of work. There are a lot of great actors in the State Legislature who could go to work in theaters if there were no Canadians stealing those jobs.

Hundreds of American musicians are literally begging for money as they play on sidewalks in cities all over America. If it weren’t for the Canadians, we would not have to play in the streets and beg for money.

Just imagine “A Day Without Canadians.”

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