Wednesday, April 23, 2008

April 23, 2003—Blood, Hair and Mom


Consider This for April 23, 2003—Blood, Hair and Mom

It is in your genes. Not your jeans but your genes.

If you end up on death row after being convicted with DNA evidence you can blame your mother. If you get a double whammy and end up on death row and being bald you can blame your mother.

So what is this with all of the mother themes? It is almost Freudian. I love mothers. I love all mothers but there are some things we get from our mothers that some would rather not have.

I think that part of this is our obsession with hair. Two things that people sometimes are most concerned about are their hair and their teeth. My dentist is married to a barber so I guess they have a guaranteed lifetime income based on two of the biggest obsessions on this planet.

First mothers and then hair. I have been told that male baldness is inherited from your mother. No, your mother does not have to be bald but there is a genetic propensity for baldness that is inherited from your mother. If your mother’s father, your mother’s brother or male cousins are bald then it runs in your family.

With DNA the indentifying marker runs with the women in the family and not the men. The human genome study is cataloging the entire DNA map and the only reliable common thread is the marker passed on by the women in your family. Eventually through this study they will be able to map everyone’s lineage back to the original man and woman. Some would say Adam and Eve. Others would say Mr. and Mrs. Ape.

So if you end up on death row or in the slammer for committing a crime and they pinned it on you using DNA you can blame your mother.

Now for hair.

“God loves all heads but the heads he really likes he covered up with hair.”

“Great lovers go bald on the back of their heads. Great thinkers go bald on the front of their heads. Men who go bald all over just think they are great lovers.”

Men grow or shave beards or mustaches at times of a life change. Remember Al Gore when he lost the election? He stopped shaving. When you see a male friend who has either grown or shaved his mustache or grown or shaved his beard you might ask him if there is anything going on in his life.

Women will change their hair color when they have life changes or sometimes cut their hair at the same time. This one is so correct. Women change hair color and styles sometimes each month. There is nothing wrong with that but I have noticed that women will let their hair grow if they are happy and cut it short if they are going through something stressful. Not always true but interesting to watch.

Hair grows at the rate of ½ inch a month or six inches a year. Factor the growth rate into how much it costs to get your hair cut and then consider that in your budget. How much could you save if you shaved your head? A regular haircut at a barber shop can cost from $12 to $20. If you are going to look fresh and clean cut you should get it cut about every two weeks. At $20 every two weeks that is $520 a year. That is a little over the price of a tank of gas today.

I stopped cutting my hair when I stopped being a police officer. I had a pony tail when I became County Commissioner. My hair was down to my waist when I decided to run for representative. I cut it and when I decided not to run again and then I shaved my head for Guatemala. I have not cut it for a year now.

Some people think that your politics are based on hair length. When I had shaved my head a woman told me that I could not be a liberal because my hair was too short.

So the bottom line is that if down the road you find yourself being bald and convicted of murder you can blame your mother and her genes. That is genes and not jeans.

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